“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” -Mark Twain

Forgiveness is something that I have really struggled with throughout my life. There have been so many things that people have done to hurt me, and they have really left a dent in my life.

What makes it harder to forgive is when you’ve been abused and mistreated, and the people who have hurt you aren’t sorry. The thought of having to forgive people for things that they have done to me has been unsettling.

I’ve noticed that throughout the years, when I have held onto unforgiveness in my heart, I was resentful, angry, and had no peace. It was like I was holding onto all of the things that people have done to me all day, every day. It was torment.

“People have to forgive. We don’t have to like them, we don’t have to be friends with them, we don’t have to send them hearts in text messages, but we have to forgive them, to overlook, to forget. Because if we don’t, we are tying rocks to our feet, too much for our wings to carry!”
― C. Joy Bell C.

As a child, and early adulthood I didn’t really understand the whole concept of forgiveness. I used to think that forgiveness was forgetting about everything a person has done to you and everything is supposed to be fine with the world. I just wasn’t capable of that.

Forgiveness is letting go of resentment and bitterness from what another has done.

There are still things that have been done that I have a hard time forgiving. There are also people that I have forgiven that I still find myself having to forgive over and over again. What I’ve learned is just because I choose to forgive doesn’t mean that I have to reconcile with people. It also doesn’t mean that the feelings that I have about the situation just go away. Sometimes forgiving people and letting them go is the best thing that you can do for your own health.

Things that have helped me to forgive:

1. Confront the person who has harmed you. They may not be aware that they have offended you and apologize. Keep in mind, that they may not have the response or remorse that you may expect them to have.
2. Pray about it. Vent to God and tell him everything that you feel.
3. Therapy. Talking to a therapist has really helped me not only to forgive, but to process and heal from the harm that people have caused.
4. Read what the Bible says about it and the importance of forgiveness.
   • God commands us to forgive.
     • Colossians 3:13, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
5. Write about it. If you can’t talk to someone about it, get it out of your system one way or another. Putting it on paper can really help you to get your feelings out.
6. Unforgiveness turns into bitterness and resentment.
   • “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
     ― Nelson Mandela
   • I have spent so much time being bitter and resentful, and it has done nothing for me but weigh me down.
   • “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:31-32).”
7. I want to be forgiven.
   • “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15).” Not only do I want God to forgive me, but I want to be forgiven.
8. God deals with people.
   • God doesn’t take lightly what people do to hurt others. He will justify the situation one way or another. “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord (Romans 12:19).”
9. Read books on Forgiveness and Boundaries.
   • “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” by Lysa TerKeurst https://a.co/d/bfytZkE
   • “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa TerKeurst https://a.co/d/541rOJp
10. Give yourself grace. Your feelings are justifiable, and you deserve to allow yourself to be angry, sad, or what other emotions come up for you.

“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”
― Will Smith