Parenting Reflections: Learning and Growing with My Children

Last week, my oldest son asked me if I wanted to go to get some frozen yogurt with him after work. I felt honored that he would even ask me. He’s now 16, and it’s been hard to connect with him since he became a teenager.

Needless to say, I jumped on the opportunity to spend some time with him. We went and had a deep conversation about his life, and the future. It warmed my heart that he trusted me enough to still be vulnerable with me.

Throughout the years, things have been pretty rough. At the age of 4, his father and I separated, and he completely abandoned him and my second oldest son. They both responded to it differently. Micah didn’t express his hurt emotionally, but he would act out in his behavior.

When I married my husband, we faced a lot of difficulties blending our family. There are many challenges that we still face with our dynamic, and we all have been affected in different ways.

Just reflecting on the years that have gone by and realizing that he will be 17 years old in a few months, I wondered if I’d done enough as a mother. I’ve really tried my best to be the mother The fear set in that I don’t have much time left with him in his youth and he’ll be in the real world before you know it.

Recently, I’d been beating myself up about the choices that I’ve made that have directly affected my sons’ life. Seeing them hurt and not being able to comfort them breaks my heart every time. I’d been feeling like maybe, it’s too late. Maybe my time of impact is up for them.

That little mother/son date that Micah and I had showed me that he’s still the little boy he always had been. Only now, he’s in a young man’s body. Our conversation was deep, and I could see his growth and maturity. I still felt that, regardless of my flaws and mistakes as a mother, I was still enough for him, and I am loved.

It encouraged me to make sure that we spend time like this more often. It also challenged me to make sure that I am spending quality time with each of my children. Not only would they be fun, but it would give me an opportunity to check-in and talk about things that they may not talk about otherwise.

Some valuable lessons that I’ve learned:

Regardless of my past mistakes and flaws, I am still enough.
As a mother, my job is far from over. Even though my children are getting older and more independent; I still have a job to pour into them.
Nothing that I’ve done or will do as a mother is in vain.
Sometimes the best thing I can do for my children, is, simply, to be there.
Parenting is the most important thing that I could ever do.
Time flies by so fast, don’t waste time on superficial things that don’t matter. Spend as much time with your children as you possibly can.
Hug and kiss your children. Show them how much you mean to them.
Meet them where they are. Sometimes they may just need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
It’s healthy for children to want to be more independent. It shows that you are preparing them for adulthood.
Be intentional about spending quality time with your children.
Make sure to remind them how much God loves them and is still taking care of them.

I can’t help but thank God for His grace throughout my children’s lives, as well as mine. I am sincerely cherishing these moments that I have with them. It has been such a blessing to be a mother, and my life wouldn’t be what it is now, if I haven’t experienced all of the challenges and lessons that I have through the trials.