Although this post was written a few years ago, but it’s still so relevant for me today.

My oldest son has been away this week at FCA Camp, and this has been the first time that he’s been away by himself. As he’s been away, I’ve just been reflecting on his life, and God’s grace.

Growing up in a Christian family, sex before marriage was what my brothers and I were taught. When I would see pregnant teenagers, I would just think to myself, “that would never be me.” I was pretty sure of myself back then.

At the age of 17, I went to my high school wellness center because my period was a little late. While talking to the nurse about the colleges, I never expected the nurse to come back and tell me that I was pregnant. I was immediately consumed with fear, shock, and shame. Before this, I would have never considered the idea of an abortion, but again, here I was.

The nurse immediately tried to persuade me to get an abortion, telling me all of the reasons why having a baby at my age was a bad idea, and how they would even help me to get an appointment at Planned Parenthood. All I could think was, “what is my mom going to think!?” I’ve committed the ultimate sin and I’m a pregnant teen. I just knew my mom was going to kick me out. I feared the judgment of my family and friends. I couldn’t even see past the idea of having a child at my age.

I sat with this for a month and decided that I couldn’t go through with an abortion. Deep down I already knew that I wasn’t going to. One evening after work, I told my mom that I was pregnant. I was overwhelmed by the love and support she gave me. My brothers hugged me and I was given the strength that I needed for this journey I was about to go on.

When the news came out, there was some judgment from certain extended family members, and I also had an ex-friend tell me that no one would ever want me with a child. The cruel words deeply hurt me because there was a lingering belief that it was true. I was no longer the “good girl” and now had a reputation, which made me feel shame. Teen pregnancy has such a stigma, and while it is extremely hard, it does not mean that your life is over. There are so many opportunities that can be found, and with support, goals can still be accomplished.

I look at my life now, and my Micah is 14 years old. I see God’s grace in my life and through the gift of being a mother. I was too young and I had to go through some things to understand that God has an ultimate plan for my life, and Micah was a huge part of it. I see the lives that he has touched, including mine, and it gives me such joy in knowing that he’s here because of the grace of God. It also makes me feel privileged that I was chosen to be his mom.

There were some ideas that I had for my life, but I was lost. There were things that God had to heal in me before I could fulfill the things that He has called me to do. It is a blessing that I am even here to be able to tell my story. There are plans that we make for our own lives, but life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. One thing that I am sure of is I’m exactly where I should be right now.

A letter to my teen self:

Dear teen mom,

I know that this time may be so scary for you, being just a child yourself. Your life is so valuable, and this is just the beginning for you. The child that you are carrying will be such a blessing in your life, and he will touch so many people. He will watch and admire how hard you work and will know that you have tried your best to be a great mother. There will be many tears, closed doors, and hopeless times, but God will be with you through it all, and you will see the other side. There will be people who will come into your life and will love you and your children. No matter how hard things may appear, don’t give up.

Sincerely,

Your present self