The things I wish I embraced…

Growing up, I never imagined being a mother, let alone, a stay-at-home mother of five. I also didn’t picture getting married and having to quit my job to stay home with my two toddlers because I would no longer be getting help with childcare. It opened a whole new world of uncertainty and changed the whole dynamic of my marriage.

The Challenges of being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Previously being a single mother, I was used to being independent and financially contributing to my household. Now, being a stay-at-home mom, wife, and homemaker revealed some insecurities that I didn’t even know I had within me. I found myself constantly wondering if I was doing enough to be able to feel like I was worthy of a guiltless nap. The never-ending loads of laundry, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of babies made me feel so overwhelmed.

Not to mention the dirty diapers, fighting and crying. But it always amazed me how adorable they were when they finally went to sleep. Everything that happened in the previous hours didn’t seem that bad.

Before I knew it, there were five little souls that I was in charge of. Five children under the age of 10. Cleaning up after 6 people, not including myself, is enough to make anyone with no energy want to run away… I admired those “Pinterest moms,” who seemed to have it all together, not knowing that no one has it all together. (If they say they do, they’re lying.)

When I thought things couldn’t get worse, this wave of depression hit, and I had no idea that this cloud would follow me for the next 6 years of my life. It had me in an endless fog and state of exhaustion. It’s one thing to go through this, but for my spouse not to understand why I was this way, left me feeling lonely. So lonely that I even wondered, “Why am I here?” This can’t be life.

Seeking Help and Self-Care

Being at the brink of a mental breakdown taught me that there were so many things that were wrong. I needed help. Trying to do all the things that I was doing by myself was too much to physically and mentally handle on my own. I decided to go back to therapy. It was then that I started to see through the fog. Talking through my issues and pinpointing exactly why I felt the way that I did validate me.

Also, finding solutions to the things that I could change opened my horizons. It brought to light all of the trauma that has caused me to believe certain lies and built the mindset that caused me to see things the way that I did. I was not worthless. I was a great wife and mother. I wasn’t a failure… It was like I was being woken up from a long sleep.

Slowly but surely, I started working out while the kids were napping, and finding little things that brought me joy. Finding those short, but sweet times to get out of the house when my husband got home from work was also therapeutic. Even those times when my mom would come and help me fed my soul. A good support system is key.

Who are you to Judge?

To some people, being a stay-at-home mom can seem like a taboo. When you’re asked what you do, and I say, “I stay at home with the kids.” They look at you like you’re doing something wrong. My in-laws were pretty quick to judge this decision. They believed that both adults in the household should be working to take care of the bills. But no one volunteered to watch five kids, so…that was that.

One thing I failed to realize is that deep down, there was a part of me that, too, felt this way. Often times I judged myself for putting my career and goals on hold, and not looking and feeling like the best version of myself. There was a certain place in life that I thought I would be in my mid-20’s, and I was nowhere close. Places that I thought I would travel to, and experiences that I thought I would have. But life was going in a completely different direction for me. I had to learn that my self-esteem shouldn’t be built on material things and status.

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel…

Now, all of my children are school-aged, and two of them are teenagers. I look back and wish that I’d embraced every stage, cuddle, and moment that I had with them when they were little. Now I realize that every ounce of judgment and opinions of others meant nothing. I look at the pictures of each of them on my iPad and wish that I was more mentally present. Those times when they wouldn’t hesitate to jump in my arms and sit and watch a movie with me, or those trips to the park and them letting me push them on the swings. The joy in their laughter always had a way of awakening the child in me.

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him (Psalms 127:3).

I try to hold onto every day that I spend with my children. They were each a special gift from God, each one unique and bring life to my soul. Now I know why I was home with them, instead of working a full-time job, them being in daycare, and barely seeing them. Taking care of them was one of my purposes. One of the reasons why God put me on this earth.

I now realize how fast time has flown by and the next few years will be gone in the blink of an eye. I now know that the time that I have left with my children is limited. They won’t always be within the safety of their family house and depend on me for the things that they need. Their hugs and kisses will be less and less, and they’ll go out into this world to be who they were destined to.

Although it’s taken some time, I’m grateful that I’ve learned to embrace the time that I have with my children. I know for sure that God has better plans for me than I ever will. Being their mother has taught me lessons that I would’ve never learned if I wasn’t. At this point in my life, nothing matters more.

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.(Jeremiah 29:11).

Some lessons that I have learned throughout my stay-at-home journey:

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
• You have to prioritize your self-care, so you can take care of your children.
• Motherhood is a privilege (don’t take it for granted.)
• You’re not alone. (So many women are in the same position as you.
• It’s not always going to be this hard.
• Your children aren’t going to be young for long.
• Your children don’t need you to be perfect, but they do need you to be mentally healthy.
• Do not take everyone’s advice. (Not everyone has the same experiences that you do.)
• Don’t stop praying and asking God for strength. “Pray without ceasing (1Thes.5:17)”

No matter where you are in your parenting journey, you’re not alone. There are so many mothers who understand the hardships that you’re going through. Everyone’s journey will be a little different, and that’s ok. You may get some bumps and bruises along the way. There will be treasured memories, and stories to tell your grandchildren.